


At the Separating Door

by Moto_kun



Category: Frozen (2013)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Drama, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 13:40:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17407937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moto_kun/pseuds/Moto_kun
Summary: A scene happening one day in the life of Elsa and Anna as young teenagers. Anna still comes to visit Elsa's door, and since she is a bit more persistent this time, Elsa finds it impossible to ignore her. Elsa's POV.





	At the Separating Door

**Author's Note:**

> This one-shot is already four years old. I originally wrote it in German and translated it afterwards. Then the English version was posted on FF.net and Wattpad.

**_You Are More Important_ **

 

_Knock knock knock-knock knock._

“Elsa, it's been snowing much more last night! Do you really not want to build a snowman?!”

 

I instantly freeze in my movement. It's  _ her _ again.

It's the third day in a row that she is coming to me now. Or rather to my room.

 

“Elsa?! Come on, it's really pretty outside!”

A few days ago, it was snowing for the first time in this winter.

 

I sigh. The quill in my hand slowly sinks onto the desk I'm sitting at.

Today's plan was to study undisturbed. Normally she doesn't come by that frequently...

And that is what unsettles me. It's tugging at my nerves and challenging my control.

But yes, she just likes the snow. Otherwise she wouldn't want to play in it all the time, would she? Then why doesn't she enjoy it alone?

I squeeze my eyes shut in a displeased way, hoping that I won't let myself get distracted like this. As I am opening them again, my sight is on the open book that is lying on my notes.  _ The Structure of a Kingdom. _

 

“Elsa...?” I still hear a little spark of hope in her voice. But the part announcing that she knows I won't really react – at least not so she would notice it – is predominating.

I hear a thud coming from the door, she has probably leaned her upper body against it.

I feel my heart starting to beat faster at that. Why?

And why can't she just leave already? I can't stay concentrated like this.

A bit annoyed, I look at the open page and search for the line at which I stopped earlier.

But somehow my thoughts seem to be too confused already, for I don't assimilate anything of what I am reading.

 

“Please? Just one single time?”

A twinge in my heart. At the same time I'm standing up abruptly, hands still in contact with the surface of the desk.

Why can't she just leave?! She was here yesterday and the day before it, already. She knows I'm not coming out. No matter how many consecutive days she might come here.

Why doesn't she understand it...?

“Elsa...?”

Why doesn't she understand it...?!

 

Ice crystals are forming around my fists lying on the wooden surface.

The gloves are totally useless. In the end it always goes through...

The low clicking noise takes me momentarily back out of my thoughts.

I wince, it's been a long time since I let myself get carried away by these strong feelings.

But she doesn't let me calm myself.

 

“Please just say something.”

Be quiet.

“Just once... Something.”

Stop it.

 

My hands are on the sides of my head in inceptive despair. I don't want to hear you, don't want you to stand there at my door.

Because actually I want right that. But I can't... I mustn't...

Without thinking about it, my legs are leading me to you.

Completely automatically I am going to the door. Like a moth who lost the fight against itself and flies to the light from which it won't be able to get away.

I know that it's a mistake, that I shouldn't do this. This day is useless from this point on, I will be crying myself to sleep sometime later.

But right now I want to be as near to you as possible here.

 

Every step of mine is followed by ice, but I don't care about that now.

I stop directly in front of the door, a bit unsure spontaneously.

Shakily my hands are lifting themselves up, touching the wood lightly, running softly over it.

“Anna...” does it escape my lips in a low voice. But I doubt you could have heard that.

Why are you wasting your time here...?

 

“It's so pretty outside, you know? When I got up this morning, I just had to go straight to the windows and look outside. And I really really felt like playing with you in the snow...”

Oh Anna... Please just stop it... Please... don't make it so difficult for yourself.

 

Meanwhile there is a layer of frost spread from my hands on the door over the very same. Even without looking exactly at it, I know due to the cracking noise that it's going farther over the wall.

Apparently I can keep even less control than usual when you are here several days in a row.

A sad smile is creeping into my features while I am carefully leaning my forehead against the ice-covered wood.

 

“Elsa...? I so want to go outside...” Your voice is becoming so soft.

Then why don't you just do it?

You can do that rather than me... There is actually no reason to deny  _ you _ it.

Or- No, your wording certainly doesn't mean that...

My smile drops, there is something tightening in my chest again -

 

“I so want to go outside... with you.”

No. Stop it already.

“Maybe like it used to be? It was okay back then!”

Just stop it!

“Please... it's not as much fun alone!”

_ Just stop it!  _ You only make it difficult for the both of us this way...

 

In my now angry posture I suddenly notice that the frost has stopped crawling. Now tiny, single snowflakes are falling from the ceiling, and the temperature probably dropped. Not that I would really notice that much. But the atmosphere here in the room has changed.

 

“Elsa...?!”

Oh no, so did you notice anything? - No... Just don't let the ice be gone through the door... please...

Scared, I take a step away from it.

 

“Elsa? Something just changed on your side. Is everything alright?”

Oh, if only you knew. I wish I could say everything is in best order. But it's not. Or... maybe some things just are kept too much  _ in order _ in a way...

But why are you worrying about me in the least when I am only ignoring you every day and every time?

At least I could hear your voice today, and even if it hurts, it makes me happy essentially. I should count myself lucky that you are thinking of me at all and that you still come here.

I do so want to be around you.

Really... Just why doesn't it work?!

 

I do just now notice that I started crying in the meantime. Tears are streaming down my cheeks unchecked and I'm sobbing gently. Why didn't I prevent that from happening...?

I just hope you don't hear it, but I can't help but say your name out loud again.

“Anna...!”

Well, that wailing wasn't to be missed.

 

“Elsa?! Elsa, please talk to me!”

Without thinking about it, I'm reaching my arms out to touch the door yet again. And immediately I lean myself against it completely, letting my emotions run free.

Of course you might hear this entirely now.

But the only thing you say is: “Oh, Elsa...”

And then I'm hearing a quiet sniffling and soft crying from you, too.

 

Why do you still look after me like this at all?

Why do you cry because of me?

Why are you not happy without me?

 

Why... do we two have to be standing here on different sides of a closed door leaning against it... only separated by this piece of wood... crying together...?

It all is supposed to... be just for your own good...

Why...? Why are you crying then? Don't you understand?

I don't want to hurt you... But apparently I am doing that anyway. What am I supposed to do?

So what is worse...? Hurting your body, or your inside...?

\- No. I mustn't do it.

 

We have been giving ourselves over to our grief for a while now.

After I am sure that I won't directly break out in fresh tears as soon as I'll talk, I need to ask you one question once.

“Anna... Why don't you just look for someone else to have fun with?”

 

The sadness is still clearly audible in my voice.

Yours, however, sounds stronger, firmer in your answer... somehow... so soft... no, not only, I don't know how that is described.

Prior to that I hear a sound coming from the wood, you seem to be moving.

Then I register your answer:

 

“Because you are more important to me, Elsa. Quite simply.”

 

My eyes widen in surprise. I do feel something warm in my chest. What can it be?

And when have the snowflakes stopped falling...?

 


End file.
